I Run For...

Welcome to week 5 of Cancer to 5K training.  Today I had the most challenging workout to date.  My first workout for this program was 20 minutes of 1 min jog/1 min walk.  We progressed to 24 minutes, then 1.5 min jog/1.5 min walk for 24 minutes.  Next was 30 minutes and then 2 min jog/2 min walk.  Saturday Coach Bob told me to make the very last jog interval 3 minutes "just to see what happens."  I am happy to report that I survived it, but it was still a very big struggle for me.  Today was the biggest challenge yet as we moved up to 35 minutes of 2 min jog/2 min walk BUT 3 of those intervals were 3 min jog.  I had only one window of opportunity to fit this workout in today with Joel out of town & the 3 kids to work around.  This morning when I was telling my BFF about the prescribed workout today she laughed at my tone and said "You sound THRILLED!"  I admit--again--that while I'm not a runner at heart, I do not dread these workouts like I worried I might when I first signed up for this.  Honestly, knowing myself, I thought I might even use Joel's tour as an excuse to NOT do them thru April which would throw me off and mean I wouldn't actually run in June's 5K.  To even MY surprise, I have only missed ONE workout in 5 weeks & that was a time issue BEFORE Joel left town!

So...today as I'm going thru this difficult workout & pushing my body to do things it's protesting, my iPod starts playing a song I haven't heard come up in any of my recent workouts, I Run for Life by Melissa Etheridge.

 Have you heard this song?  I can remember listening to it on my computer just weeks after getting my first diagnosis back in 2006.  I cried.  And I thought to myself that while I'll never actually run, these words could still hold true for me.  And here I am--running.  And I'm listening to these words...

It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Everyday that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She'll tell you it makes her complete

[Chorus:]
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me, my friend
I run for life

It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I'm still learning the lesson
To awake when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for us all


And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more



And my head starts swarming.  My BFF asked me again this morning if I thought I would keep running after the 5K for exercise.  I still couldn't give her an answer.  Coach Bob told me last week that I should not run for a "high" but because I want to or I enjoy it.  And here's the thing.  I don't know yet if I DO enjoy it.  I joined this program to challenge myself--to have a way to be held accountable for doing something beyond my comfort zone.  I have gained weight in the last year that I don't like to talk about & I wanted to get rid of it.  So, do I enjoy it?   That's yet to be determined--I don't dread it so that's a start.:)  But do I want to run?    Though the pain is miles & miles behind me & the fear is now a docile beast, If you ask me why I am running, I'll tell you it makes me complete.  


I walk 60 miles over 3 days to bring awareness to a disease that caused more pain to me & my family than anyone should EVER have to endure.  I don't ever want my beautiful girls--or my son--to experience that worry, dread & fear.  This is the 4th year I am walking for those who lost their battle, those who are still fighting and the survivors who celebrate the victory of winning the fight, especially my survivor sisters-- Wendy, Jen & Hilary.

2008 Washington DC 3 Day--My Biggest Fan

Team Candies for a Cure 2009 Washington DC 3 Day

Me & Hilary at 2010 San Diego 3 Day Walk--Survivors in Pink

But this running?  It's for me.  They cut into my skin & they cut into my body (more times than I like to count), but they never got a piece of my soul.  I am running because I can...for me...because I actually do want to.