Women...

Received this in an email & it made me smile...decided I had to share!

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first. 
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. 
3. Taxis stop for us. 
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.. 
5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo. 
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves. 
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end. 
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 
11.  We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 
12.  If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot. 
13. We will never regret piercing our ears. 
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.  

Rock Star?

It's time for the 2nd installment of my 3 Day walk weekend...which started 2 days before we actually began walking.  I flew out to Texas on Wednesday morning bright & early so I could have a full day with my BFF before the rest of the team arrived.  In my mind I envisioned us sitting on her backyard patio drinking wine, munching on snacks & having similar conversations to the ones we have each morning on the phone.  BUT, C had something else in mind...and from the moment I stepped off the plane at 9:15am CST, it was a whirlwind of activity.

Our first stop on the way home from the airport was to get brunch at one of my FAVORITE restaurants from back home, Cracker Barrel.  We ran a couple errands and next was wine-thirty at C's favorite wine bar, D'vine Wine.  From there we walked 2 doors down to the hair salon, Serendipity, where she'd scheduled an appointment for me with Danielle.  All I knew was she had done some website work & had a credit for me & her to each get our hair done.  I figured she just didn't want to walk 60 miles with me & my terrible roots. ;)  I had no idea what the ultimate plan was....

While at the salon, I met the genius behind Tiffie Sleeves, Tiffany, before she headed off to NJ for a class reunion.  I have to note at this point that everywhere we went--with the exception of Cracker Barrel--C introduced me to someone who KNEW me & wanted to hug me.  It was a weird feeling.  And while Danielle was foiling my roots to take away my "trailer trash" look I'd been sporting, I got the feeling this day wasn't even close to ending...

After Danielle washed, dried & styled my hair, she inserted the pink extension to match C & then pulled out makeup.  She said "I have been instructed to make you look hot."  Um........

I had airbrush makeup applied & since it was about 3pm & 12 hours after I had woken, I was starting to drag.  While my eyes were shut during makeup application, I got a whiff of something REALLY yummy.  When I opened my eyes, C was standing by my side with not only my favorite Dr. Pepper, but also homemade potato chips & dip to "perk me up".  Why yes...I could get used to this treatment. 

We left the salon to pick up some Chinese food for dinner & headed back to C's house.  Now my head is kinda spinning.  What's going to happen next?  I am sitting there in my hoodie with my rock star hair & makeup eating take out Chinese with C's amazing family.  There's gotta be more to this story....

Then the doorbell rang.  And enter Brooke.  Again, someone who knows me.  C & Brooke escape to the garage.  What?  Enter Tamara.  And she's carrying a sword?  What? What?  The next little bit involves the tall hubby & tall son draping dark curtains over the garage door to create a backdrop.  Then the wine is poured & the instructions for all boys to stay out of the garage.  Hmmmm.....

Now, my new favorite saying is "what happens in the garage, stays in the garage", but you all have seen the pictures.  What happened next is kind of a blur.  I wish I'd been more awake & had more time to mentally prepare for the following photo shoot so I could really savor every moment of it.  Fortunately we have some really fantastic shots to serve as reminders & the memories are priceless.

So, some of you have asked about the sword.  Let me backtrack a bit...Brooke is a DFW photographer with Maddiepie Creations & if you live in the area you should most certainly look her up!  She does incredible work!  But Tamara & C put together the shoot to give me a chance to feel empowered as a survivor.  It goes like this....Tamara's sister Tiffany started her business Tiffie Sleeves & took these pictures with a famous photographer & her sword to represent her strength in her independence & taking the leap of faith to start a business on her own.  Our shoot involved the sword also as a representation of strength as a survivor.  I am not one who does well when the spotlight is on me, even figuratively, so to be standing there with the lights on me & the camera flashing with people watching me, it was a little uncomfortable.  Pam even joined us for the shoot & while again, I had never met her, she insisted that we hug because she knew all about me. 

In the end, the women welcomed me into their circle of friendship & success.  They are all a positive force who encourage each other to be better than they think they can be--in life & business.  I don't know yet WHY they were brought into my life, but I know something big will come of all of this.  Something more than just some pictures.  I am soooooo blessed to have them in my life & know they have helped me grow in ways I cannot even put into words.

Pam, Tamara & Tamara's girls came to cheer us on during Day 2 lunch!

Back to the pictures...Tiff wanted to know what I saw in my reflection of the blade in this photo.

Well, I have obviously looked at the images a great many times (Thank you again, Brooke, you're amazing!).  I saw a reflection of a someone who is ready to put the cancer in the past & start living the good life AFTER cancer...taking advantage of all there is!  Here's what the photos did for me--they allowed me to feel beautiful again.  And more than just pretty...but beautiful.  My husband says "that's the way I see you everyday" & what a wonderful thing for him to say.  But when you have your breasts removed from your body, there is a piece of being a woman that is taken from you.  I am not a vain person about my looks, but my first mastectomy was really difficult for me.  Even though I had implants & didn't look terrible when dressed, I knew my chest looked like a piece of skin over 2 water balloons when I was naked.  I didn't take off my shirt in front of my husband for 2 years.  I never had my nipples recreated because I got pregnant so soon & then having 2 girls & an infant, it was not on the top of my priority list.  Then, the surgeries started all over again....and it was a horrible process.  My dear friend Heather said it best when we were talking about the process in Texas.  She said when she saw my first pics after the cancer removal surgery May 2009 & what my right breast looked like after doing the skin removal & stomach surgery, she knew this was going to be a long road.  And it has been.  I have beautiful boobies now, if I do say so myself. :)  But they are covered in scars that still make me feel a little like Frankenstein.  And that photo shoot....well, it took away the insecurities.  It made me feel like a complete woman.  The reactions of these women who had JUST met me showed me what others see...even when my shirt is not hiding the scars.  The reactions of my friends & family to the pics on Facebook show me that I should probably wear makeup more often & my ball cap LESS often! :)

And here's the thing...I don't want to be defined by my cancer.  But I believe that I am a survivor for a reason.  And what these women did for me on that Wednesday--with something as simple as a can of hairspray & a camera--is something that all survivors can benefit from!  This chapter of my life is just beginning...there's so much more to come!  Cancer diagnosis has not declined with all the research we're funding--in fact, we're diagnosing women with breast cancer earlier & earlier.  This is saving lives so deaths are declining but survivors are increasing!  Life after cancer?  Yes...

Stay tuned....

The Rodeo

This really isn't about a rodeo with cowboys & barrel racing...but it's about *my* rodeo--and the fact that it wasn't my first one.

Just to recap for those who don't remember or never heard the story--I had my 9 pound baby boy on Nov 4, 2007.   My friend, A, had started her certification to become a personal trainer so she asked if I would be her "guinea pig" and start a routine workout schedule with her in 2008.  I said yes, but I also wanted to train for the Breast Cancer 3 Day walk that I had signed up for in October 2008.  That's when my *rodeo* began.

In the span of less than 18 months I had been diagnosed with DCIS breast cancer, had a bilateral mastectomy, reconstruction with implants, lost my best friend unexpectedly to a complication to diabetes,  found out I was pregnant, and carried & delivered a healthy 9 pound baby boy.  It was a whirlwind.  I had emotions I couldn't process.  I was ready to make a statement.  Walking 60 miles in 3 days seemed like a good start for me.

When I asked my friend A to walk with me, she didn't hesitate.  We both signed up & started the task of raising money.  We sent emails, we planned events, we started training physically.  In the process of asking for our friends & family to help us financially, we had friends ask US if they could walk WITH us.  Really?  People wanted to commit to walking 60 miles AND raise $2300 over then next 10 months WITH us?  BRING IT!  Our team started to grow.  And in October of 2008, the Pink Ladies, walked in the Washington DC Breast Cancer 3 Day--8 strong.  It was emotional.  I had friends fly up from Florida just so they could make the journey by my side.  My husband brought my 3 children down to the middle of DC on the final day--with signs--to cheer us on.  My little guy was not even a year old yet.  We did it.  We made a statement.  It was NOT easy.  But we felt like we'd done what we were meant to do & it gave me a chance to find peace with the unresolved emotions I had from the diagnosis of 2006.

My team--The Pink Ladies--took on the streets of DC in October 2008.

Don't you just wanna kiss those cheeks!?!?

My incredible family--brought tears to my eyes on Day 3 of our emotional first walk.

Fast Forward about 1 month from the end of the walk.  My feet have recovered.  Joel has just returned from a 2 week tour with the band.  I feel a lump.  On November 5, 2008, I spent 7 hours at the hospital having test after test to confirm that the cancer had returned.  Not long after that hospital visit, I got an email from the event coordinators asking me to sign up for the 3 Day walk in 2009.  Just a month before I was complete with having finished the journey once.  But there was unsettled business now that this *bitch* had returned & I felt a need to sign up again.  I sent an email to my team--who also was at peace with not walking again--and gave them the news of the lump & my decision to walk again.  I assured them that this was even more personal now and I would in NO WAY be hurt if they didn't want to walk again.  But.....

Team Candies for the Cure--Washington DC 2009

....they started signing up!  Again, my friends from FL flew up.  We had 2 new members join the team & we even had some who did CREW & took care of us that year.  Joel was away at school for 6 weeks, I got my period, I was in the midst of surgeries with one looming the following month & we were walking 60 miles in 3 days.  2009 was emotional for many additional reasons. But we did it--and we GAINED a new friend & team member that year.

My girls--the reason I walk!

I went home feeling like I had done what I needed to do.  I was at peace...again.

BUT, then I got an email...from a college marching band buddy, Hilary.  She had just completed the Chicago 3Day in 2009 with her sister, only weeks after finishing chemo for her breast cancer.  She was thinking of walking in San Diego in 2010 and wondered if my team might want to join her.  Ahhhhhhh.....HILARY!  Pass up a chance to walk into the closing ceremonies arm in arm with a dear friend who is also a survivor sister?  Well.....

Jenny's Army of Angels took off for San Diego California in November 2010!  And we did  it...again!!

It was so special getting to walk with Hilary into the closing ceremonies--first time seeing each other in over 12 years!

No really...this time I'm DONE.  There's no other way for me to express myself with the 3 Day!  BUT...my husband decided to walk with me in 2011.  And my BFF asked us to come to Dallas so she could walk with us too.  Here's the thing.  When someone is diagnosed with breast cancer, it doesn't just affect the patient.  It's a family ordeal.  My husband was at every appointment.  He drove me to & from every surgery.  He slept in a chair by my bedside in the hospital for 8 nights, so I would not have to wake up alone.  He emptied my drains, gave me baths, cooked me meals--even drove around late one night to find me hush puppies because I had a craving, kept the kids out of my way, held my hand, wiped my tears, calmed my fears.  And now this man wanted to experience my *rodeo*.  So.......

He packed up his "ta-ta" shirts & we took off for Dallas.

My entire Army of Angels flew out to Dallas for a final walk together.  Four were new, 5 of us veteran walkers.
What an amazing team of support & friendship!

Day 3 with my Angel.

Here we are a week later.  My feet feel great.  My body is recovered.  My heart is full.  I feel complete.  I am certain that I have accomplished all that I was meant to with the Breast Cancer 3 Day.  My journey with this event has come to an end.  I have asked for support for 4 years--from friends & family in the way of fundraising & prayer...and that support will never go unrecognized.  I could not have had a successful 240 mile journey over the last 4 years without everyone in my life.  Even though this was not my first *rodeo*, it is my last.  I love what this walk did for me.  I love that every fall I got to see friends from all over the country come together for one cause.  The cause is not gone.  The cause is not forgotten.  This 4 year journey will hold a very special place in my heart always...

But it's time to move on.  I have other things I feel called to focus on in the fight against cancer.  Stay tuned--I'm not done.  I will still need you.  But, my walking shoes have been retired...for now......

Birthday Babies

I missed my middle child & baby boy's birthdays while I was out of town walking 60 miles. So while I have  many things to blog about from the past week, I wanted to pop in & wish them each a very special birthday!

My Josie Mae (aka Momma's Love Bug) turned 7 on November 5.

Big Sister Jackie holding our peanut, Josie Mae, when she was only 1 day old.

Sweet 7 year old Love Bug

And then that sweet little boy of mine, Jamison (aka Bubba or Momma's Punkin' Pie).  He came into our world the day before Josie turned 3.  And she SO wanted a little sister....not that it's kept her from treating him like a girl.  You should see his fingernails today!

Big Sister Josie feeding Baby Bubba when he was 1 day old.

Jamison hard at work--my Big 4 Year Old Boy.

This has been a big week at our house--2 birthdays, Grandpa came to town, Mom & Dad walked 60 miles for breast cancer....whew!

Here's to another year!  Happy Birthday, Josie Mae & Jamison!

Cancer Blows

Let me just start by stating the obvious--Cancer Blows.  My favorite line from an upcoming breast cancer awareness movie trailer goes "I hate my thighs!  Why couldn't I have thigh cancer?"  Now that's what I'm talkin' about....
But October is all about the Tatas.  And it's always one heck of a month for me--#1 My husband travels a great deal of October for work every year.  #2 I'm bombarded by pink & the awareness of that little "c" word that has followed my family around for the past 5 years.

I've learned a few things since that day--July 7, 2006.

• Doctors are not perfect.
• Go with your gut.
• Peace of mind is a great reason to do whatever you think you should do.
• You ARE worth it.
• You DO deserve the best care.
• 2nd opinions are not luxuries.
• You know your body best.
• People will listen if you say it out loud.
• You're never "not at risk".

I fought back in 2006 with a bilateral mastectomy & then followed my doctors orders at my 1 month post-op appointment, even when I questioned his advice.  Eighteen months later, when the cancer was discovered again & that same doctor insisted that the pathology reports were wrong and he was right...I fought again for a 2nd opinion.  When that 2nd opinion agreed to further treatment, I fought for 2 more years through 6 more surgeries.  

And now I fight to get the word out.  My 8 year old daughter came to me concerned because she felt "something" in her breast a couple weeks ago.  She was so worried.  She's been listening.  It was nothing.  But why is only an 8 year old hearing our fight?  Everyone needs to take charge & not be afraid to own their own health.  

This will be my 4th year walking in the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer 3 Day walk--60 miles over 3 days.  We raise thousands of dollars every year as a team.  Along the way to our fundraising goal, we're educating--passing along the important information of breast awareness.  One of our favorite events is our Save the Ta-tas poker tournament.  

If loving Ta-tas is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Totally Tubular Ta-tas

This event brings friends together to raise money for important breast cancer research.  Everyone comes in their favorite Save the Ta-tas gear & our winner picks out a t-shirt from www.savethetatas.com as their prize.  That purchase from the Save the Ta-tas site also generates funds that are donated back to research for breast cancer.  While I know that I am very open about my surgeries, my scars & my resulting "ta-tas", the gear we have purchased from the Save the Ta-tas site (everything from t-shirts/tank tops to bracelets & car magnets) provides my husband & me a way to keep the topic in the forefront of every one's minds, even when it's NOT pink October!   You can't help but smile when someone sees my husband's bracelet --I love (.Y.)--and they get it!  (Btw, one lucky fan will be receiving one of these tshirts to have for your very own.....just leave a comment on this entry & I'll choose one winner!)



Save a Life.  Grope your wife.

Princess Ta-tas & Ta-tas make me happy.

It's a simple fact that cancer blows.  For me, breast cancer happens to be the cancer that hits too close to home.  Do what you can to support a great cause--pink ribbons are pretty, but www.savethetatas.com makes them fun too!  

Done.

I did it & I'm done.  I finished my 2nd ever 5K this weekend at the Baltimore Running Festival with the CT5K team & my sweet friend Michelle. 

Friday night I took the kids up to Michelle's house for a sleepover so we could slip out at 5am, leaving the children & Dennis sleeping.  We had a wonderful dinner & then stayed up catching up on all things mom/wife/friend since it's just been too darn long since we've been able to just chat.  Tho, it probably would've been smarter to hit the bed earlier than we did.

Saturday we made the trek to Baltimore in the cold, dark morning.  And met up with the CT5K team--including my sherpa, Colleen, who I was meeting for the first time that morning.  The running festival scene was a little overwhelming for me as I'm so new to the running world.  But having a friendly face & a confident sherpa by my side made for a relaxed atmostphere.

I had a shorter training season this time plus surgery mid-season with some time off from running, so I wasn't sure what I even expected to be able to accomplish.  Ultimately, just like in the spring, I wanted to run the whole thing without walking, but beating my time was a nice idea too.  After a couple of very challenging but accomplished training sessions last week, I knew I had it in me to run the whole thing without walking...even if sllllooooowwwwwww.  

Unfortunately, I awoke to my stupid period & cramps that stopped me in my tracks.  And I don't do mornings--in case you don't know that about me.  My body doesn't function quite right in the morning.  I don't know if there are races that start at 3pm or 6pm....Joel's idea was for me to wake up at midnight & then by 8am it will feel like the afternoon to my body?  Dunno if that's the answer either....BUT, I didn't have a choice.  It was morning.  It was the first day of my period.  I had cramps.  And I was running.

I won't bore you with the details (tho, I have written them out, so if you're interested, let me know), but here are some highlights of my 3.1 miles...the first mile was a HILL.  We already knew this because Coach Bob had lined out the whole route for me ahead of time.  I was mentally prepared but it still sucked.  There were a couple of pretty funny shirts that gave me a distraction & a good laugh mid-race--one said on the back "If you're reading this, I'm in front of you."  And as we PASSED her, my sherpa Colleen said "Not anymore!" HAHAHA!  In the final mile a mother passed US with a couple of elementary age kids & made the comment to them about how proud she was that they were running the whole thing & not walking.  When a man on the sidelines shouted that we couldn't let a kid pass us, I shouted back that I'd win this whole race if I could bottle up the ENERGY of an elementary age kid!  I think I've figured out that kids have so much energy because they SUCK IT all from their MOMS!  And in the final .2 miles, I ran so fast that I honestly had no control of my legs anymore.  I just wanted to be done.  Done.  Done.

Funny, within about 5 minutes of finishing, we were already talking about "our next race".  I've experienced this before--Day 2 of walking 60 miles as I'm sitting in the rain trying to eat my soggy lunch & I'm tired, sore, cranky & cold and I tell my team "Remind me of DAY 2 if I EVER mention walking this 3 Day thing again!"  Yeah, that was 2 years ago....

So here we are, 2 days post race.  I am officially registered for my next 5K in December (it's called the Hot Chocolate 5K, seriously, who wouldn't sign up for that one???).  I have 2.5 weeks till we start our 3 Day journey in Dallas TX with my team, Jenny's Army of Angels.  It's Breast Cancer Awareness month--funny how getting cancer is the ultimate reason I have started doing any of this & I'm getting healthier as a result.  Training continues....stay tuned!

Thought for Today...

Countdowns....

We have multiple countdowns going on at my house right now...

Countdown to Race Day--3 days

Countdown to End of Tour--2.5 weeks

Countdown to 3 Day Walk--3.5 weeks

So...we've got a lot of things on the calendar right now.  But first on the list is Race Day--Saturday!  AH!  This one kinda snuck up on me.  I finished my CT5K training in the spring, ran my goal race (and finished it!!) in June, then immediately had surgery & 6 week recovery...which turned into a summer long recovery.  We hit the pavement again in August but this training season has been a tad shorter for me because of another surgical procedure which kept me from running for 2 weeks and the fact that my goal race is 3 weeks earlier than the rest of my team!  I will be starting Day 3 of my 60 mile walk on the morning that the NoVA/DC Cancer to 5K team races.  This Saturday with HoCo and Baltimore CT5K it is....

"I often hear someone say I'm not a real runner. We are all runners, some just run faster than others. I never met a fake runner."--Bart Yasso

This quote made me laugh because you all have heard me say that more than once.  I am not a fast runner & as Coach reminds me, I am not getting graded.  But as much as I deny it, I am a runner.

Saturday I will be running with a group of cancer survivors & volunteers all of whom are complete strangers to me.  But, even as nervous as I am, it can't possibly be more scary than having someone tell you that you have cancer--or that you have cancer AGAIN, right? 

Well, I'm excited to see what my body can do Saturday--after our mid-season 12 minute test just 2 weeks ago, I already know that I can do more than I thought I would at this point with all my set backs.  I am also beyond thrilled that my dear friend, M.H., will be running by my side!  It's quite a relief knowing there will be a friendly face to cheer me on for however long it takes me to get thru the course.  Ultimately I want to finish the race without walking--but it sure would be great to beat my June time....we'll see what happens. 

3 days to go..................

Big Ol' Wagon

 Joel sent this picture to my phone during dinner last night. 

 I showed the kids & Jamison looked confused. 

"How did Daddy get so tiny?" 

Lessons Learned

This weekend we watched the movie Soul Surfer--the story about the surfer whose arm was bitten off by a shark & she still continues to surf.  I wanted my girls to get the message about not letting anything get in the way of following & achieving your dreams.  I wanted them to see that they could make anything happen if they wanted it bad enough.  I wanted them to know that they are in control of what they do with their life & only they can make it happen.  You know, all that "feel good" stuff that these movies are about, right?

As the credits were rolling, I told the girls "See, wasn't that great?  You can do anything--you just have to want it & believe you can!"  And then I asked them what lesson they learned from the movie.

My sweet Josie Mae--without any hesitation or even a crack of a smile--says with all the seriousness in the world..."I learned that I am not gonna put my arm in the water if I'm in the middle of the sea."

I laughed till I had tears rolling down my face.  That's not exactly what I'd hoped she would get from the film...but she's 6, so what can I expect.  Especially when I told her dad her reaction and all he said was "That makes sense to me."  Ahhhhhhh.......

Secrets to a Long Happy Marriage...

                                 

Power

I'm not sure if it's just because I'm a mom, but I am a light sleeper.  If my kids wake up coughing across the hall, I hear it.  If the dogs bark from the basement, I hear it.  Even when the power goes out & the "white noise" falls silent in the house, I immediately wake up.  And that happened this morning at 6am.  My alarm was set for 6:30....argh!   Surprise, surprise, Josie Mae was in our bed....and she got scared by the power being out.   In case you didn't know, I don't do mornings very well.  Her insistence that she was scared--laying in bed between me & her father--was frustrating me as I just wanted my final 30 minutes of peaceful sleep before the day began.  But then, we hear Bubba.  The silence had woken him also & he was startled by the lack of light from his nightlight.  But he didn't cry for me...he just yelled "Uh, Girls?  GIRLS?!?!?"  My boy doesn't want me, but his girls....how cute is that?

So, Daddy lit up his phone & Bubba followed the light to my bed where the 2 munchkins kept me awake till my alarm went off at 6:30.  Good morning, Momma!

Happiness is...

Happiness is NOT sending your blue eyed 6 yr old on the school bus in tears....

AND

Happiness is NOT slamming your little man's hand in the car door when you pick him up from preschool...

HOWEVER....

Happiness IS peeking it's weary head out from under my "Mom-Of-the-Year" award pile today.

It's around the corner...so much goodness is coming...my creative mind is spinning...I hope my feet are ready...

Happy Monday!

"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true." - Leon J. Suenes

What Was I Thinking?

On June 30, 2006, I had my first breast biopsy here in Maryland.  Seven days later we got the news that turned our world upside down as we began our 5+ year cancer journey.

Fast forward--1 bilateral mastectomy, 1 expander/implant exchange, #2 biopsy, 1 DIEP flap, 1 bilateral SGAP, 4 nip/tuck & we're in August of 2011 and I'm sitting in the waiting room before my 11th surgery in 5 years. 

You know what I hate most about surgery?  It's not the pain. Really.  It's the anticipation before the surgery--knowing exactly how it all goes from the night before when I have to stop eating at midnight, getting dressed in the dark surrounded by the eerie silence of a house full of sleeping people, riding in the car as Joel drives the 90 minutes to the hospital, parking in the same spot nearly every time in the parking garage, walking to the elevator & riding up to the 4th floor, signing in at the desk with the ladies who have started to recognize my husband, waiting until the nurse collects the surgical patients in a group & walks us back to the pre-op area...don't forget to get a hit of sanitizer before you go thru the big silver doors. Each surgical patient is called by name & assigned to a numbered bed, take off all my clothes & put on the gown opening to the back, put on the white socks all the way to the knees to help circulation during surgery & put the brown non-slid socks over those, put all the clothes in this clear plastic bag for safe keeping, then sit and wait.  My stomach growls on cue.  I am bored.  A tech comes by & starts my IV.  The nurse asks me many, many questions.  Someone calls for my husband to come back & sit with me.  We stare at each other.  He's so tired.  I'm so hungry.  I haven't had my coffee.  What time is it?  We listen as other patients around us are questioned about what time they last ate or drank anything & which medicines are they taking.  The doctor comes in to "mark me".  I stand up & expose myself while he takes a black sharpie & creates a treasure map all over my breasts.  More paperwork.  More signatures.  Another nurse.  Another doctor.  Sign this.  Sign that.  Instructions to Joel--who, btw, is a PRO at this--on what will happen & when he'll see me again.  I have a headache.  Silly hat goes on my head, a quick kiss & away we go.  Upon entry of the OR, I am warned, "It's going to be cold but we'll get you some warm blankets."  Yep--every time.  Then, they push some of this or that & tell me I'll get sleepy.  Someone puts that plastic thing over my face & tells me to breathe deeply....

Next thing I know, I'm at the next thing I hate most about surgery--waking up from anesthesia!  YUCK!  It never fails that my nose is itchy--really, every time!  And my hands feel like lead weights.  My mouth tastes like plastic.   My throat is dry & sore.  I am SO thirsty.  There's a stranger at the foot of my bed asking me how I feel.  Someone calls Joel.  Sometimes he arrives with his own food & the smell makes me sick to my stomach.  I know they won't let me go until I pee.  I want to pee.  I want to go home.  But sitting up makes me nauseous.  I take deep breaths.  Eventually we get to go home (for most of the surgeries).  I am so hungry.  But I'm sick to my stomach.  My head is still hurting.  It takes two or three days before I can eat food without tasting plastic in my mouth.  I don't feel back-to-normal for awhile.  I hate that feeling....


SO, when Dr. R. gave me the option to have my nipple reconstructed without sedation, I was beyond ready to do it!  In fact, my previous surgeon said sometimes he even does them in his office.  So, I jumped at the chance to have a procedure without being asleep!  The morning was similar to the other mornings except it was an afternoon procedure, I did not have to fast so I got my coffee on the way to the hospital, and Joel took the kids to the Baltimore Inner Harbor while I was at the hospital instead of sitting around waiting on me.

These are pictures Joel sent to me while I was waiting for my surgery to begin.

The next steps before the procedure were familiar--I had the same gown, Dr. R. came to mark me.  But this time, I got to walk with Dr. R & the nurse to the operating room.  I hopped up on the table, with no IV and here's the new part.  All the stuff they usually do after I'm asleep happens.  They put a cold pack thing on my thigh--and when I say cold, I mean ICE COLD. I am hooked up to the heart monitor & the pulse thingy goes on my finger.  There is a drape hung under my chin so I can't see anything so all I hear is plastic & cutting.  There are pads stuck all over my chest and abdomen.  Everyone is asking if I feel ok--and by everyone I mean Dr. R, his surgical nurse & my nurse.  It's not as busy in here as I remember my other surgeries being.  Next I understand it's time.  So Dr. R is going to insert a needle around the area to make me numb--giving me the local anesthesia.  He puts the first needle in and it H.U.R.T.S.!!  And it's burning.  And he keeps moving all around my breast inserting the needle & pushing the fluid to numb the area & I am taking deep breaths.  I can't stop the tears that have started rolling down my face.  Dr. R can't see my face. My nurse sees me. He asks if I'm ok.  Yes.  But I'm telling Dr. R. that I can feel all of this.  So he decides to push more--to make sure I'm numb when he starts cutting.  And again it burns.  And the panic rises.  What was I thinking?  What if it hurts when he's cutting?  What if he's only 1/2 way thru & it hurts so bad I can't let him continue.  I'm not strapped down.  I could walk out right now.  But if he's cut me open, I can't do that.  They can't give me any meds because I ate this morning.  I had coffee on my way.  But what if I feel him slicing my skin?  What if I can feel him taking away that section of my breast with the knife?  What was I thinking?  Then he starts cutting & he asks if I can feel it but I can't.  I'm relieved briefly but I know we've only just begun.  My arms get tense and I have to literally remind myself to relax my arms & lay them back down on the board.  The surgical nurse suggests music.  My nurse runs to get his speakers from his locker.  He plays soft 80s rock.  We joke about the tunes.  Dr. R is certain he's never operated to Bon Jovi.  The music distracts me--only from the surgery itself, but causes its own problem when I find it irritating that my heart monitor that is beeping loudly is not on the same beat as the music.  Again, I had to keep myself from holding my breath hoping they would sync up.

Then...it was over.  They removed the drape & all the monitors.  I hopped off the bed & into a recliner (which Dr. R said I had to be special to be leaving the OR in a recliner.  I told him it was because they'd gotten the memo on me being a frequent visitor)...down to post-op where I am immediately able to dress myself.  In fact, it took the nurse longer to put me in her system than it took to get myself dressed & for Joel to arrive to pick me up.

In the end, I was glad there was no "recovery" from the anesthesia....but I'm still not sure I would opt for the awake surgery again.  Tough Shmuff--there are just some things that should be left unknown...

Nine Years Already?

My baby girl, Jackie Sue, turned 9 on Saturday.  Her big celebration will be in a couple of weeks when I take her & Josie to Boston for the weekend to visit their Auntie Em for GIRLS' WEEKEND! 

But, Saturday was the official day & I found myself (as I always do) reliving all the moments from the first contractions that I was sure were gas pains on September 16--her actual due date--to the exact moment she arrived at 8:26am on September 17, 2002.  Wow.  I can't believe she's already 9.  Because I DO remember it all--even what I was wearing--when I went into labor.

Just hours old...

About 1 month old

 

 

 

 

 

And since I told her that she's not allowed to get into double digits with her age, I'm going to have to savor every moment of this 9th year of her life.  (yeah, you'll have to get back to me next year at this time & I'll let you know how that's workin' out....)

Happy Birthday Girl

Where did 9 years go?

Happy Birthday to my Little Sunshine!

Out of the Mouths of Wives....

Here are 2 things I actually said to my husband today...

1. After he was nagging me about which car I drove to the hospital..."Dude, I am getting the stitches removed from my nipple today.  I can do whatever I want!" 

2. When I returned home from hospital..."So, Laura (my surgeon's nurse practitioner) gave me her card & told me this guy Vinnie does the best tattoos around."  (in regards to having my areolas done)

Yeah, just your average day at the Wealer house...

Did you hear?

Yep, I'm doing it again.  I have committed to the torture for another 12 weeks & we're already in Week 5!   

Now, I have to admit that after taking the summer off because of surgery & then laziness, I was excited to join the Cancer to 5K team again for the fall season.  And after we had been back to running for about 3 weeks, I had my nipple reconstructed which meant no running again for 2 weeks.  I missed it.  What?   I missed the running.  Let me explain myself...

I still think running is kinda silly.  Tonight--I came in all hot & sweaty & actually said "Running is so stupid."  BUT...(hang on Coach Bob...) while I was out of running commission the past 2 weeks Coach had me doing some serious speed walking.  Yep--I, too, was reminded of Malcolm's dad in Malcolm in the Middle.  And I was supposed to walk using the same body form as running, but while walking briskly--faster & faster & faster--for 4 min intervals, then 2 minutes of regular walking.  The first night I couldn't find a good stride & my shins started screaming.  By the end of the 2nd week of this brisk walking business, I was fighting myself in my head to NOT run.  I keep hearing Coach saying "faster, faster, faster" and I keep thinking "I'd be GOING faster if I was just RUNNING!"  And it was so frustrating...

So, today, when my prescribed workout arrived--2 weeks post nipple reconstruction--I was actually anxious to get out there and RUN again!  Because I missed it.

October 15--the Baltimore 5K that I will be running as my goal race--is creeping up real fast.  It would be nice to run this one faster than the one in June....but also ok if I don't.  Because here's the thing I discovered today.  I might be a little bit addicted to running. Even if it's slow, I know it's doing this ol' girl some good--good for the body & the spirit!   Don't believe me?  Next time you're having a stressful day, gimme a ring & I'll pass along today's workout.  Betcha you'll feel better afterward too!  Even if running is kinda silly....

Go Blue!

It's that time of year-- Michigan Football Season! 

 Here's a peek at the Wealer family on Michigan Football Saturday!

Daddy picks out everyone's clothes on Michigan Football days.

It doesn't matter if you even match, as long as you have your Michigan Spirit Wear!

In fact, you don't even need to be interested in watching the game--as long as you're wearing your Michigan shirt, you're good to go!

Go Blue!!!!

Happy Day?

Bubba had his first day of preschool today.

Happy Day?  Well....if you know me, you know I've been chomping at the bit to get him off to school so I can finally have a couple of hours a week to work in peace.  It's been almost 9 years since Jackie came along, you know.  And this year the Boy will attend 2 mornings a week for 3 hours each day.  Not that I can really do much around here in 3 hours when you consider how long it takes to drive anywhere, but I can dedicate those interruption free moments to productive business time.  YAY! 

However, Bubba is the only one of my children who never attended daycare so I could work outside of the home.  Bubba came into my world just under 4 years ago & he's been my sidekick ever since.  The Boy has helped me with grocery shopping, bathing suit shopping, sat through doctor & dentist visits, parent/teacher conferences, volunteering at the book fair at school, bank & post office trips...24/7 for 3 years & 10 months, this boy has been by my side.  And today, I dropped him off & walked away.  Ahhhh....

Happy Day?  Yes.  While it felt a tad strange not having him around, I know he's in the most loving environment possible.  And when he got in the car at the end of his school day, he couldn't stop talking about going back.  It's so true that they grow up too fast.  My baby's no longer a baby, but it's definitely a happy day.

What am I worth?

Recently a chain of events & discussions led me to question what I am worth to my family.  And by "worth", I actually mean monetarily.  I know what I would get paid if I went back to teaching & I know how much I would have to pay to put my little man in daycare each day.  But what I wanted to know is how much am I worth staying home--and not including the paycheck I do receive each month from my business.  As a mom who does not leave my home to work, what is my worth? Neat thing about computers is that you can google just about anything, right?  So I typed it in "stay at home worth in 2011" and it brought up several articles.  One on the Today Show website had a link to salary.com where you could actually input your zip code for it to spit out what you are worth as a SAHM based on the number of kids you have & their ages in your area!  Check it out.... ******insert link that would not work when I cut/pasted it here AND/OR picture of the check on salary.com that I printed & scanned to put here--just trust me.  When I put in my info, it spit out the following number.....******

$112,000?!?!  What?  Yeah, I'm printing this out to remind myself every single day what I'm worth.  Nothing hurts me to the core more than being accused of "lallygagging" or "eating bonbons" all day.  Even though I do receive a paycheck each month for my work from home, it's nice to be validated that the "unpaid" work is worth something too.  Hats off to all the under appreciated & unpaid stay-at-home-moms out there!  If I was paid my worth, I'd be able to afford those bonbons!

Camping Is Fun

Memorial Day weekend we took a camping trip with our dear friends, the Carsons.  We've just returned from our second weekend camping trip with the Carson Crew.  And as I reflected on the weekends, which began & ended our summer, I imagined a souvenir t-shirt with top 10 favorite quotes from each trip listed on the back...

Memorial Day Weekend Camping with the Carsons--Take 1:

10.  Which sounds cooler?  I'm going camping with the lead singer of the rock band OR I'm going camping with the 3rd horn in the concert band.

9.  Where's my camera?

8.  This isn't a scweaming contest, it's tawzan!

 

7.  Trifecta

6.  Attention!  Attention!  There's a bear standing by the pool!

5.  You 2 have tattoos and that makes you look scary.

4.  Excuse me.  Your daughter seems to have a personality like my daughter.  Can they play together?

3.  This is my life.  I'm 1/2 of 70 & have 3 kids.  I'm a walkin' hot mess.

2.  Nothing like going to a public pool to boost your self esteem.

1.  When I was packing my camping clothes, I forgot to grab my high heeled sandals & booty shorts...shoot!

Labor Day Weekend Camping with the Carsons--Take 2:

10. I knew those orange flames shooting up from the grill weren't right at 3am. 

9.  I'm so glad you're not crying anymore when I wipe your butt.

8.  So when DID you get home?

7.  Don't worry Jackie, maybe your real parents will let you do that when we find them on Tuesday.

6.  FLBG in the house!  What what?

5.  I'll take a piece of your muffin....No, your other muffin.

4.  Send that picture to Jeb...

3.  Maybe we should have some sausage!

2.  I dare you to go thru that ditch in your car...

1.  You like your coffee like you like your men--weak & white.

Super Hero

I was shopping at the Commissary with my Bubba Boy today.  I had my stack of coupons & grocery list in hand while trying to maneuver our cart down the busy aisle. 

"Oh no!  Momma, look!"  Bubba bent down to pick up my pizza coupon I'd just dropped & hadn't noticed.

"Thank you, boy!  You're my hero!"

Bubba smiles, "Yeah, dat's why I wanna be a Super Hero when I grow up."

((heart melting))  "You'll make a GREAT super hero, my love!"

This Ain't the Ritz Carlton Salon...

After my easiest surgery to date, my doctor told me I couldn't get my incision wet for 3 days.  Tonight, I needed a shower.

#1--I showered last on Sunday evening before the Monday surgery.
#2--I cleaned my whole house today & worked up quite a sweat.
#3--It's that time-of-the-month.
#4--I didn't want my legs to look like my husband's.
#5--When I took off the bandanna I had on my head, Joel couldn't stop staring at my hair.

Bathing was necessary. 

Some brief negotiating was required as my husband was all *pro doctor's orders* tonight and didn't want me to get wet.  So, we made a deal that I could take a super duper shallow bath while washing my hair (that he was still staring at) with a cup. 

Fast forward to me sitting in the bathtub & as I'm preparing to wash my hair, I notice my washing cup is across the bathroom.  So I called Joey to come help me.  I asked him to please assist me in getting my hair wet.  I leaned my head back & he starts pouring water on my hair & this is what followed....

"It's so nice to wash someone's hair without them crying."

"How you doin'?"

"Look, your hair is just as shiny as it was when it was dry!"

"How's that your heiness?"

I did shampoo & then he came back to rinse....

"Why are you letting water drip on your bandage, woman?!"

"I can't tell if I'm getting all the shampoo out."

"This is like a salon!"

Now it's conditioner time--

"Really?  Don't you have some leave in kind that I won't have to rinse?"

"Do you use that much?  How much does that cost?"

Time to rinse the conditioner...

"Lean back woman!  This ain't the Ritz Carlton Salon!"

Seriously, there was so much laughing--what a bonding experience.  But in true Joel fashion, his thoughtful words ended out evening as I was getting out of the tub...

"Make sure you don't pop a stitch trying to get outta there, woman."

What's not to love?

Earthquakes, Hurricanes & Nipples...

In the period of 7 days, we have experienced the first earthquake in the DC area since 1897, had the first day of the 2011-2012 school year with a 1st & 3rd grader, took cover for tornado watches & the wrath of Hurricane Irene, then wrapped up the week with the construction of my right nipple! 

So, let's start with last Tuesday when I'm sitting on the bed of my room, watching Hurricane Irene coverage with my oldest.  We're minutes away from getting in the car to go to the school & meet the girls' teachers.  Then there's shaking--Jackie & I look at each other confused.  But then the shaking gets worse & we realize what's happening.  The child tries to bolt from the room, but I grabbed her and we stood in the doorway of my bathroom until the shaking stopped.  Let me just give one word to the reaction to our first family earthquake--FREAK OUT.  Meet & Greet at the school is cancelled as the school needs to be inspected before anyone can be let back into the building.  Jackie cannot wrap her head around the concept of earthquakes NOT being predictable.  No one slept well that night....

Wednesday morning brought BACK TO SCHOOL!  The girls were nervous as they hopped on the big yellow bus, neither one knowing where their classroom was or anyone who would be in their class this year.  I spent the day worried for them, even though I knew they'd be fine.  Thankfully both girls came home thrilled to pieces with their teachers & classmates.  Early to bed that night....

Thursday I headed to the commissary to pick up a few things "just in case"...Friday, Joel grabbed some dog food & more gasoline for the generator.  Better to be over prepared, right?  Oh yeah, he also picked up extra batteries & a couple more flashlights, but guess what?  Of all the batteries he purchased, none were a 9 volt, which is what I need to quiet the damn smoke detector which has started "singing" on Friday!

Saturday morning my plans were messed up as the storm began earlier than I expected.  After a morning run in the rain & quick trip to a bbq to celebrate the end of summer, we came home to tornado watches.  Again, kids were bundles of nerves so we settled them for the night in the basement playroom.  About 9pm we lost power.  Hurricane Irene made herself known. 

Camping is fun.  My family loves to do it.  And we were prepared to be without power for 5-6 days with "camp" foods & paper plates....we were NOT prepared for the street 2 houses away to never lose power, however....

After 2 full nights with no electricity, we left the house this morning just KNOWING we would come home to power.  When we got home about 6:00 tonight & heard the familiar rumble of generators going up & down the street, it was really hard to be upset.  Why?  After I was so angry & grouchy last night?  Well, today I got my right nipple!  It's the first time in over 5 years that I've had two nipples.  It's the little things, folks.  I'll tell you all about this particular surgery another time--all I can say is EEEEK! 

But, tonight, I will go to bed feeling more whole than I have in years...

Tomorrow is a different story.  Between the lack of hot water for bathing & chirping of the smoke detector, I might just make the 6:00 news--stay tuned!!! 

What size?

The email came today--10 weeks and counting!  Just 10 more weeks until we're walking 60 miles in Dallas, TX in the Susan G Komen 3 Day for the Cure.  If you hadn't heard, my husband (tho STILL waiting on leave approval) is walking with my team, Jenny's Army of Angels.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jenny's Army of Angels 2010

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pictured above is our team last year wearing our team shirts--camo for the "army", pink for the "breast cancer" part of the walk, the back had a pair of wings for the "angels".  Cute, right? 

My 4th-year-in-a-row teammate, Jayne, so graciously offered to see if she could get a couple more of these shirts made for our new team members this year & we were hashing out some details last night, including sizes for those new walkers.

So, I pulled my shirt out of the closet & asked Joel, "Would you wear one of these with the team if we get you one made?  And what size do you think you'd need?" 

My husband, the man who has been by my side for 5+ years as our world has REVOLVED around breast cancer, says "That's really PINK.  Can I wear one in a different color?"

Now, in my head the following slide show is going as I recall the previous years I've participated in this walk...

Please note that not only are these pictures all of men, but the common theme of pink.

I replied, "Seriously?  It's a BREAST CANCER walk--the color associated with breast cancer is PINK.  If you want one in a different color, you can wear a PINK bra over it."

There was no pause, "Ok, I'll take an XL."

That's what I thought....