It Feels SO Good...

To help others. 

Today started with me waking to some pain--more than I've had the past couple of days because I admit to overdoing it a little yesterday.  I'm on a 10 lb or less restriction for lifting and for the first 5 days post surgery Joel was home so he didn't let me lift a finger--at all.  Going back to a normal routine after being pampered, with no adjustments--yeah, I was hurtin' a little.  So that kinda sucked.  The rest of the day was relatively normal, but Jamison was sad when his community center class ended and he didn't want to leave, he was STARVING (in the only way a 2 yr old can starve--dramatically) while at the store for a quick errand, the girls came home with MORE stuff that required me to send in money, homework was a NIGHTMARE tonight & after I cooked dinner I've had both hubby & one child complaining of stomach pains. 

I could've easily decided to go to bed early--cuddle with hubby, catch some TV, rest my aching incisions, etc.  But I knew there were just a couple of calls I could easily squeeze in first--some catching up from last week.  My first call, to someone I've been playing phone tag with for 2 weeks, was the one!   She's the one who made this otherwise sorta-pretty annoying day worth it.  It turned my day around--helping make a change in her life for her & her family, helping her dream & restore the hope to her future, helping her begin a journey that could be the answer to all her prayers.  I love my job.  It feels so good to help others! 

I Am A Mom

I got a card in the mail this week from a friend sending some love & laughter in my recovery...and I wanted to share...

Top 5 Ways you know you are talking to a Mom...

5. She can complete an entire conversation in 1.5 minutes...including hugs & tears.
4.  In the middle of that conversation, she may stop and yell "LOOK!  FIRETRUCK!"
3.  You can't stop staring at the various stains on her shirt.
2.  She has no clue what's happening in the world, but can tell you every detail of her child's bowel movements.
1.  She frequently forgets what she was talking about.

So, this card made me laugh because the truth of this was so real yesterday when I was on the phone with my single, doctor sister.  She was telling me about work and the residents she's working with & the disecting of skin & other tissue samples...and then my turn came telling her what's going on in my world.  My story was about Jamison sitting at the kitchen table drawing with his sister when he screamed "Uh Oh" and as Joel grabbed him to run to the potty a big round turd fell on my kitchen floor.  To which Jackie responds--"That smells like horse poop....and kinda looks big enough to BE horse poop too!" 

Yep, welcome to my world...I am a mom.

Guest Blogger: Jacquelynn Sue Wealer

This is the story my 8 yr old wrote in her new birthday journal last night.  So far she has 3 adventures of these horses, but this one is the beginning where they meet.  I have added some punctuation that she didn't have so you could feel the flow of the story, but all of her spelling is genuine to her writing...Enjoy!

The Advengers of Penny, Mary & Black:  The New Friend

One day Mary was grazing in the field.  She loves to eat! 

 "Hey Mare!" cried Penny, who was trotting near by.  "Why don't we go an adventure?"

"There's a new horse in the barn," said Mary.  She started to graze again.

"Let's go!  Let's go!" shouted Penny.

Well that just ruined my breakfast, thought Mary.  They galloped to the barn.  The new horse was sleek black with a orange rope around his neck.  He bucked and kicked.

"Hi," said Penny.  She started to walk fourth...

"WAIT Penny!" cried Mary.  She stopped Penny.  "He could be dangres"

The horse stopped kicking.  "Sorry," he said.  "I'm just a little nerves.  My name is Black.  What's yours?" 

The girls just stared.  "Your so big!" said Penny. 

"Well, I'm half mustang half I don't no."

"My name is Penny," said Penny. "And this is my friend Mary.  We call her Mare for short."

"You guys have pretty names," said Black. 

"You have a handsome name!" The girls said together!

"Will you do me a favor?" Black asked.

"Sure" said Mary.

"Will you get me out of this stall and try to choo this rope off my neck.  It's killing me!"

Mare started chooing on the rope around his neck and Penny was undoing the lock.  When they finished their tasks, Black jumped in excitement.  "What do you guys want to do?" he asked. 

"We could race each other to the field!" said Penny.

"Great ida!" said Black.  "On your marks, get set, GO!!!"

The End

Angels...

Today I was taking my morning walk and listening to Candy Colburn sing "Pink Warrior."  This is the song that inspired my blog name & my 3day team name--Jenny's Army of Angels.  But this entry is not about me...it's about the angels in my life.

                                                            Let me introduce you to Beth.

Back in June of 2003 I was coming to the end of my first year home with Jackie & knew I had a decision to make about work--either find something to do from home or go back to teaching.  Enter Beth.  I requested info from her from an advertisement online about working from home & she called me up, this complete stranger from PA.  She got me the info & I jumped right in with both feet.  She offered so much support and we became fast friends.  I worked with her for nearly 2 years before I got to even meet her in person.  Before we met, I learned so much about and from her.  She suffered from diabetes from childhood.  Legally blind she could not drive herself and worked from home. After a failed kidney transplant years before we met, she required a shuttle to take her to & from her dialysis treatments 3x's a week.  About a year and 1/2 after we started working together she called me from the hospital to tell me that they were amputating her leg.  That month she advanced her business FROM THE HOSPITAL to the level where our company pays for a new car!  And just a few months later, in April 2005,  I got to meet her for the first time in person.  Beth was recognized that night at our regional business dinner and she asked her hubby to wheel her over the stage in her wheelchair to accept her awards so she wouldn't risk losing her prosthetic leg while trying to walk with it!  I nearly spit my drink across the table when she said that! 

Fast forward another 2 years--we've become the best of friends. She adopted a little girl in between my daughters' ages and we talked parenting, business, husbands, family...every night at 11pm she'd hide in her bedroom closet while her husband slept and we'd share an ice cream sundae over the phone while talking about our day.  The day I found out I had cancer I was alone at the hospital--we truly weren't expecting any bad news.  After calling Joel from the patient room to tell him why I'd be late getting home, Beth was my first phone call in the car--I knew she'd understand.  She said, "We'll get thru this.  What can I do for you?" 

Beth was there through my first diagnosis, surgeries and treatment.  During that time, I actually advanced MY business to the point where I got MY car & she was the one who made the call to tell me with my mentor from the home office.  We celebrated and I got to make the exclusive all expenses paid trip to the home office just 2 months after my final surgery, in February 2007.  When Joel & I checked into our room that first night, there was a box on my bed.  It was a charm bracelet from Beth--engraved with the date of my advancement & my initials.  I never take it off.  I returned from my trip on Saturday.  Monday night she invited me to share with her entire team my experience...she was like a proud momma.  The following Sunday morning her husband called me & gave me the most unexpected news that Beth had passed away overnight.  Only 2 weeks later we found out she'd sent me an angel--we were expecting our 3rd baby in November.  

As Candy's Pink Warrior song says "She's a Pink Warrior...got an Army of Angels marching around with her..."  Not only do I have my team of walking angels and the many angels who support me in so many ways here in my everyday life, but I have my angel Beth up above making life a little easier knowing she's on my side. 

The Other Side...

For the first time in the 15 years we've been together, I was on the other side of the patient/caregiver relationship with my husband.  He's held my hand & endured being called nasty names during my 3 child labors.  He sacrificed a cozy bed at home just so I had some company for 12 full days in the past 3 years during different overnight hospital stays.  He's been my advocate--whether it's insisting to the nurse that I am, in fact, progressing faster in my labor than they think I am, demanding a pillow for my head after a bilateral mastectomy or fighting for appropriate time off from work to help me with my recoveries.  He's pretty much my knight in shining armor, so I had alot to live up to. 

Yesterday, Joey had his vasectomy.  And while I teased him that he would get NO sympathy from me, I admit that I would rather have done it for him.  I just can't stand seeing anyone I love in pain.  So, I was the loving wife who got up at 6:30 am to take my man to his procedure at the National Naval Medical Center.  After sitting in the pre-preop area where we've been together so many hours before (tho in reversed positions & ME complaining of hunger pains), it was finally his turn.  They told me he'd be an hour and 1/2--while the actual procedure was only 20 min, the ER prep requires more time than usual.  I had a nice walk around the base, stopping for some lunch & a quick stroll thru the base exchange.  When I returned to the hospital, it was only a few minutes before I got the call on my cell that he was ready and waiting. 

We didn't make it home until after 2pm.  It had been a long day.  I got him all set with his peas on the couch while he settled in for some football.  My job was to keep the kids away from him, switch out his peas as they started to thaw and make sure he had a fresh beer as needed.  He got a home cooked dinner of meatloaf, mashed potatoes (not even the instant kind--these were the peel, boil & physically MASH kind!), green beans & garlic bread then went to bed with some tylenol with codine to make his night pass smoothly. 

I am happy to report that he's been quite the trooper--so much better than I ever am as HIS patient!  But it's been quite the experience being on the other side...

I learn something new EVERY DAY...

Today has been a learning experience in my house.  I have learned that 2nd graders can be very sensitive & competitive--teaching life lessons is HARD & it's heartwrenching to look at those big blue eyes with the gigantic tears and the only thing I can say is, "Sometimes that's just the way life is."  I learned that a full day of school for a 5 year old is almost too much for her to handle & by the end of even a short week, we're bound to have a meltdown or seven.  And most importantly, I learned that potty training the boy really IS Daddy's job. 

Today I decided that I'm not fighting with our almost 3 year old son to MAKE him sit on the potty--when he's ready, he'll be ready.  I talked to him before his nap, knowing that as soon as I put on his clean pull up he would go poop, and asked him if he likes to go potty in his pants.  He said yes.  I asked him if he wants to wear big boy underwear like his sisters wear big girl panties and he said, "No, I be alright Momma."  He's the third kid...when he shows up at Kindergarten and his friends aren't wearing pullups he'll get the idea and it'll all be good.  BUT, when Joel got home today and I told him his boy hadn't had a poopy yet today, I warned him to listen for him waking from his nap and snag him right away or he'll make his mess and THEN let us know he wants to get up.  And I retreated to my office to do some work.

When I came out awhile later I walked into the living room to find my 2 guys sitting side by side on the couch...Joel with his laptop and Jamison in ONLY a tshirt...watching Oswald.  Now, I know, I know...this is the way A did it with his kid and this is the way J did it with her kid--just let them be naked, they'll learn faster...yeah, yeah, yeah.  But when you walk into your living room and see your 2 year old in all his glory sprawled on your family room COUCH???  Really?  This is the way it goes, huh?  Joel understood my look with no words and just smiled, "See, now he won't be able to poop in his pants!"  To which my immediate response was, "and he better not poop on my COUCH!"  Jamison perked up at the poop talk and chimed in, "no, Momma...you would pank me if I poop on your couch!"  (And let me just add here--for those of you who might be concerned--his "pankings" are mere pats on his backside and nothing to get in a tissy over when they DO happen, so please don't let me mislead you to believing that I beat my children.)  I left the child in his Daddy's care and ran an errand.  Not gone 10 minutes when I get a text that the boy had ASKED to go potty! 

Fast forward about 7 hours--1 breakdown of a sensitive 7 yr old, 1 meltdown of an overtired 5 yr old and 3 trips to the potty ON HIS OWN later, we have had a successful potty night for our almost 3 yr old and everyone is sound asleep in bed.   I am doing everything in my power to get over coming home to seeing him laying BELLY DOWN on my couch in all his bareness & watching him run around the house free as a bird.  I drew the line at dinner--I mean, seriously, he walked up to the dinner table wearing a crown his sister made at school, a tshirt, a beaded necklace & firetruck slippers on his feet (and yes, the light on top lights up when he walks).  He was required to grab shorts, tho he did go commando under them.  BUT, it seems that Daddy is onto something.  Luckily he's home for a few days and can take on this project for himself...it's amazing at my age how many new things you can learn every single day, right in your very own home!  Stay tuned for potty training progress....

Laughter = Health

I got an email today that said recent studies say we need 12 laughs a day just to stay healthy!  So I decided my job is to make you laugh today!  Now, which story is the best to tell?  In trying to decide I remembered another email I got this week telling me to write an entry about my most challenging thing I've encountered this past year and how I overcame it.  I have to say that the past 2 years have been incredibly challenging from a health perspective...here's a couple moments that were both challenging for me & funny now as I look back...

November 2009:  4 days earlier I had undergone an 11 1/2 hour surgery taking tissue from both butt cheeks to create breasts where my implants have been removed.  Joel has spent the 3 nights in the hospital with me and we've just gotten out of the shower where he helped me wash my nappy hair & clean my body--which is a challenge with SIX drains hanging from various areas of my body.  I'm sitting on the chair in the room with a tank top & sweatpants while Joel is safety pinning my drains to my necklace & in walks my doc.  Now, let me just take a moment for those of you who don't know the backstory...Dr. F is a F.I.N.E. looking man.  He played football for Univ. of MD in his college days & he's one of the head plastic surgeons at Johns Hopkins hospital.  Oh, and he loves me.:)  The first time we met him, Joel just came out of the room shaking his head...and I couldn't WAIT to have surgery!  Now, at this particular moment, we've had 2 LONG surgeries together.  And he walks into the room & immediately says, "JEN!  WOW!  Those look GREAT!  Are you wearing a bra?"  To which I reply no.  He comes over, Joel steps back and instantly Dr. F. is feeling, kneading, fondling these VERY LARGE mounds he's created just 4 days earlier...he turns to Joel "Have you felt these Joel?"  And Joey, very uncomfortably says, "Um no, she just had surgery 4 days ago, I don't want to hurt her"  Dr. F. says "NO, you HAVE to feel them!  They feel so REAL!  It's great!  Come feel them!"  All the while, he's still playing with his new creations.  My poor Joey--he's trying to get out of having to feel my new "girls" while still showing respect to the work Dr. F. is so obviously proud of.  Eventually, I assured Dr. F. that he'd get plenty of chances when we got home.  Can you say AKWARD?

March 2010:  As if I hadn't been thru enough medical procedures this year--I'd already had a surgery in Feb, colonoscopy in early March and was scheduled for another surgery in May.  My lil' sis had come to town for a Pathology Conference in DC--she came early to stay with us, then I was to take her downtown on Tues morning for her conference then go back to pick her up on Thurs so she could stay with us the rest of the week.  Tues morning I woke up early with a sharp pain in my lower back.  I thought I'd slept on it wrong and I tried stretching but it kept getting worse and then started to make me nauseated.  By 7am Joel had gone to wake my sister and have her come check it out....you know, she went to Medical School so OF COURSE she can diagnose EVERYTHING!  She loves that.:)  So she came up, tapped on me a bit, asked a few questions and kind of decided it was probably just gas pains, but since it wasn't lightening up she thought we should call the doc.  Since the clinic wasn't open yet, the nurse on call suggested we make a trip to the ER.  Really?  So, Joel called into work, put Jackie on the bus, took Josie to our preschool director's house while my sister threw on her conference clothes w/out a shower and took on the job of driving me to the hospital.  In the meantime, my pain had gotten SO MUCH worse...I had a bucket in the car and was trying to give my sister directions to the hospital.  Now, there's a reason my sister went into pathology for her medical career....the woman, oh how I love her, has a "special" way with people.  And I got to experience her bedside manner first hand.  The whole drive my sister tried to make me laugh--but she wasn't funny.  When we got to the hospital parking lot she flew over the speed bumps, claiming she "didn't see them."  When Joel showed up at the hospital, he asked my sister how I was doing--she says "Um, she's not really in a laughing kind of mood.  So don't try to make her laugh.  She won't think you're funny."  Fast forward to the waiting room after I have been triaged by the nurse & she tells me she suspects this is a kidney stone.  I am bent over moaning in pain--feeling MUCH like I was in labor & my sister is sitting beside me.  I said "WHY?  Why me?  Haven't I been thru enough?!?"  She says, "Well, the cancer at your age was a fluke.  But kidney stones are common for old people.  You're gonna start having the problems old people have now."  SERIOUSLY?  If I hadn't been doubled over in pain with a puke bag in my hand, I would've taken her by her blonde hair & whipped her around my head right there in the waiting room.  Thanks for the comfort, lil' sis.  My mom laughs and says she wishes she'd been a fly on the wall that morning...

So, I guess these both go back to the saying I love best "Laughter is the Best Medicine."  I hope I kept you a bit healthier today.  Have a laugh, or two, on me!:)
   

SHMILY

A dear friend sent this to me in an email a few weeks ago.  I haven't been able to stop thinking about it and wanted to share.  I admit that I'm a sucker for a good ol' love story but this one touched me to the core...I hope you enjoy it too. 

 My grandparents were married for over half a century and played their own special game from the time they had met each other. The goal of their game was to write the word "shmily" in a surprise place for the other to find. They took turns leaving "shmily" around the house, and as soon as one of them discovered it, it was their turn to hide it once more. They dragged "shmily" with their fingers through the sugar and flour containers to await whomever was preparing the next meal.  They smeared it in the dew on the windows overlooking the patio where my grandma always fed us warm, homemade pudding with blue food coloring. "Shmily" was written in the steam left on the mirror after a hot shower, where it would reappear bath after bath. At one point, my grandmother even unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper to leave "shmily" on the very last sheet. There was no end to the places "shmily" would pop up. Little notes with "shmily" scribbled hurriedly were found on dashboards and car seats, or taped to steering wheels. The notes were stuffed inside shoes and left under pillows. "Shmily" was written in the dust upon the mantel and traced in the ashes of the fireplace. This mysterious word was as much a part of my grandparents' house as the furniture. It took me a long time before I was able to fully appreciate my grandparents' game. Skepticism has kept me from believing in true love - one that is pure and enduring. However, I never doubted my grandparents' relationship. They had love down pat. It was more than their flirtatious little games; it was a way of life. Their relationship was based on a devotion and passionate affection which not everyone is lucky enough to experience. Grandma and Grandpa held hands every chance they could. They stole kisses as they bumped into each other in their tiny kitchen. They finished each other's sentences and shared the daily crossword puzzle and word jumble. My grandma whispered to me about how cute my grandpa was, how handsome and old he had grown to be. She claimed that she really knew "how to pick 'em." Before every meal they bowed their heads and gave thanks, marveling at their blessings: a wonderful family, good fortune, and each other. But there was a dark cloud in my grandparents' lives: my grandmother had breast cancer. The disease had first appeared ten years earlier. As always, Grandpa was with her every step of the way. He comforted her in their yellow room, painted that way so that she could always be surrounded by sunshine, even when she was too sick to go outside. Now the cancer was again attacking her body. With the help of a cane and my grandfather's steady hand, they went to church every morning. But my grandmother grew steadily weaker until, finally, she could not leave the house anymore. For a while, Grandpa would go to church alone, praying to God to watch over his wife. Then one day, what we all dreaded finally happened. Grandma was gone. "Shmily." It was scrawled in yellow on the pink ribbons of my Grandmother's funeral bouquet. As the crowd thinned and the last mourners turned to leave, my aunts, uncles, cousins and other family members came forward and gathered around Grandma one last time. Grandpa stepped up to my Grandmother's casket, and taking a shaky breath, he began to sing to her. Through his tears and grief, the song came, a deep and throaty lullaby. Shaking with my own sorrow, I will never forget that moment. For I knew that although I couldn't begin to fathom the depth of their love, I had been privileged to witness its unmatched beauty. S-h-m-i-l-y: See How Much I Love You. ~by Laura Jeanne Allen~

"City of Beautiful Homes, Churches, Schools and Parks"

That's the moto of my hometown.  From the day I came home from the hospital till the day I left home for college, I lived in the same house with my family, my "home".  In fact, my dad still lives in that house today.  Home--Jackson is still where I refer to as "back home." 

Just the simple act of pulling off I-55 at the Fruitland/Jackson exit sends a feeling over me of being "back home."  Memories spill & I tell the stories over and over of the round house on the left where I used to babysit the little girl in the wheelchair.  Just a little further on the left is Wib's--quite possibly the best bbq ever, where my dad used to work when he was in school & so weirdly happens to be closed on Mondays.  On the right is the public pool where my mom used to hand my sister & me each $1 and we'd walk from our house and stand in line until they opened at 1pm.  Then Dad would come by after work--around 5--and swim with us for an hour or so before he drove us back home.  Now we're driving past the park--and there's the bridge over the creek where I literally "bridged" each level of girl scouts with my troop.  Oh and the sign--the big Welcome to Jackson sign--that my girl scout troop painted as a community service project in Jr. High & we ended up having a paint fight!  Up just a tad further at the other end of the park now is the basketball court--so many nights Senior year spent watching the boys playing games.  Heading straight into "uptown" now I remember Homecomers every summer just before school started & the lighting ceremony we held at the courthouse steps every Friday after Thanksgiving to start the holiday season singing Christmas carols while my mom played her little electric keyboard.  On the other side of the courthouse is the "corner" where we perfected our turns in band.  It's one thing to see a band march down the street, but how well do they do the CORNER?  And just ahead is the High School--wow so much has changed up there.  Buildings have been added and removed--there are parking lots where there were grass fields and grass where there were streets. 

These are just the memories that come back as we drive down one simple road thru town.  What an amazing place to grow up.  Fortunately we've found a place as close to that here in the DC area to raise our family, but nothing will be the same as Jackson: City of Beautiful Homes, Churches, Schools and Parks.   It's always fun to go "back home."

Welcome to the world, Little Monkey!

In the wee hours of Sunday morning, my friends L & E had their first baby--Baby Boy L.  Tonight we got to take the family to visit him & I've been ITCHING to get him in my arms!  Wow, what emotions--overwhelmed watching these amazing people caring for this itty bitty little monkey they've created with such love and care, experiencing my own children's amazement as they met this baby that will be growing up alongside them, and remembering my own feelings of holding my first baby nearly 8 years ago. 

One thing I have to say is that Momma L just looked amazing!  Kinda made me mad--I so never looked that good after having any of my children!:)  And holding Baby L was so incredible--none of my children were ever that tiny.  I could just sit and watch him do his little baby movements, make his little faces...

Baby L is so blessed to have parents & grandparents who love him.  There's a whole extended "family" here in Maryland who will be the village to help raise the little man.  I know in the coming months with Grandma & Grandpa staying in town for awhile I will have to fight to get my babysitting time!  But I love it!

There is nothing like a new little person coming into the world.  A baby is born from the dreams of your heart and becomes the love of your life.  I know Baby L is surrounded by love & has made his parents' dreams come true.  Welcome to the world, Little Monkey!