Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Power
I'm not sure if it's just because I'm a mom, but I am a light sleeper. If my kids wake up coughing across the hall, I hear it. If the dogs bark from the basement, I hear it. Even when the power goes out & the "white noise" falls silent in the house, I immediately wake up. And that happened this morning at 6am. My alarm was set for 6:30....argh! Surprise, surprise, Josie Mae was in our bed....and she got scared by the power being out. In case you didn't know, I don't do mornings very well. Her insistence that she was scared--laying in bed between me & her father--was frustrating me as I just wanted my final 30 minutes of peaceful sleep before the day began. But then, we hear Bubba. The silence had woken him also & he was startled by the lack of light from his nightlight. But he didn't cry for me...he just yelled "Uh, Girls? GIRLS?!?!?" My boy doesn't want me, but his girls....how cute is that?
So, Daddy lit up his phone & Bubba followed the light to my bed where the 2 munchkins kept me awake till my alarm went off at 6:30. Good morning, Momma!
So, Daddy lit up his phone & Bubba followed the light to my bed where the 2 munchkins kept me awake till my alarm went off at 6:30. Good morning, Momma!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Happiness is...
Happiness is NOT sending your blue eyed 6 yr old on the school bus in tears....
AND
Happiness is NOT slamming your little man's hand in the car door when you pick him up from preschool...
HOWEVER....
Happiness IS peeking it's weary head out from under my "Mom-Of-the-Year" award pile today.
It's around the corner...so much goodness is coming...my creative mind is spinning...I hope my feet are ready...
AND
Happiness is NOT slamming your little man's hand in the car door when you pick him up from preschool...
HOWEVER....
Happiness IS peeking it's weary head out from under my "Mom-Of-the-Year" award pile today.
It's around the corner...so much goodness is coming...my creative mind is spinning...I hope my feet are ready...
Monday, September 26, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
What Was I Thinking?
On June 30, 2006, I had my first breast biopsy here in Maryland. Seven days later we got the news that turned our world upside down as we began our 5+ year cancer journey.
Fast forward--1 bilateral mastectomy, 1 expander/implant exchange, #2 biopsy, 1 DIEP flap, 1 bilateral SGAP, 4 nip/tuck & we're in August of 2011 and I'm sitting in the waiting room before my 11th surgery in 5 years.
You know what I hate most about surgery? It's not the pain. Really. It's the anticipation before the surgery--knowing exactly how it all goes from the night before when I have to stop eating at midnight, getting dressed in the dark surrounded by the eerie silence of a house full of sleeping people, riding in the car as Joel drives the 90 minutes to the hospital, parking in the same spot nearly every time in the parking garage, walking to the elevator & riding up to the 4th floor, signing in at the desk with the ladies who have started to recognize my husband, waiting until the nurse collects the surgical patients in a group & walks us back to the pre-op area...don't forget to get a hit of sanitizer before you go thru the big silver doors. Each surgical patient is called by name & assigned to a numbered bed, take off all my clothes & put on the gown opening to the back, put on the white socks all the way to the knees to help circulation during surgery & put the brown non-slid socks over those, put all the clothes in this clear plastic bag for safe keeping, then sit and wait. My stomach growls on cue. I am bored. A tech comes by & starts my IV. The nurse asks me many, many questions. Someone calls for my husband to come back & sit with me. We stare at each other. He's so tired. I'm so hungry. I haven't had my coffee. What time is it? We listen as other patients around us are questioned about what time they last ate or drank anything & which medicines are they taking. The doctor comes in to "mark me". I stand up & expose myself while he takes a black sharpie & creates a treasure map all over my breasts. More paperwork. More signatures. Another nurse. Another doctor. Sign this. Sign that. Instructions to Joel--who, btw, is a PRO at this--on what will happen & when he'll see me again. I have a headache. Silly hat goes on my head, a quick kiss & away we go. Upon entry of the OR, I am warned, "It's going to be cold but we'll get you some warm blankets." Yep--every time. Then, they push some of this or that & tell me I'll get sleepy. Someone puts that plastic thing over my face & tells me to breathe deeply....
Next thing I know, I'm at the next thing I hate most about surgery--waking up from anesthesia! YUCK! It never fails that my nose is itchy--really, every time! And my hands feel like lead weights. My mouth tastes like plastic. My throat is dry & sore. I am SO thirsty. There's a stranger at the foot of my bed asking me how I feel. Someone calls Joel. Sometimes he arrives with his own food & the smell makes me sick to my stomach. I know they won't let me go until I pee. I want to pee. I want to go home. But sitting up makes me nauseous. I take deep breaths. Eventually we get to go home (for most of the surgeries). I am so hungry. But I'm sick to my stomach. My head is still hurting. It takes two or three days before I can eat food without tasting plastic in my mouth. I don't feel back-to-normal for awhile. I hate that feeling....
SO, when Dr. R. gave me the option to have my nipple reconstructed without sedation, I was beyond ready to do it! In fact, my previous surgeon said sometimes he even does them in his office. So, I jumped at the chance to have a procedure without being asleep! The morning was similar to the other mornings except it was an afternoon procedure, I did not have to fast so I got my coffee on the way to the hospital, and Joel took the kids to the Baltimore Inner Harbor while I was at the hospital instead of sitting around waiting on me.
The next steps before the procedure were familiar--I had the same gown, Dr. R. came to mark me. But this time, I got to walk with Dr. R & the nurse to the operating room. I hopped up on the table, with no IV and here's the new part. All the stuff they usually do after I'm asleep happens. They put a cold pack thing on my thigh--and when I say cold, I mean ICE COLD. I am hooked up to the heart monitor & the pulse thingy goes on my finger. There is a drape hung under my chin so I can't see anything so all I hear is plastic & cutting. There are pads stuck all over my chest and abdomen. Everyone is asking if I feel ok--and by everyone I mean Dr. R, his surgical nurse & my nurse. It's not as busy in here as I remember my other surgeries being. Next I understand it's time. So Dr. R is going to insert a needle around the area to make me numb--giving me the local anesthesia. He puts the first needle in and it H.U.R.T.S.!! And it's burning. And he keeps moving all around my breast inserting the needle & pushing the fluid to numb the area & I am taking deep breaths. I can't stop the tears that have started rolling down my face. Dr. R can't see my face. My nurse sees me. He asks if I'm ok. Yes. But I'm telling Dr. R. that I can feel all of this. So he decides to push more--to make sure I'm numb when he starts cutting. And again it burns. And the panic rises. What was I thinking? What if it hurts when he's cutting? What if he's only 1/2 way thru & it hurts so bad I can't let him continue. I'm not strapped down. I could walk out right now. But if he's cut me open, I can't do that. They can't give me any meds because I ate this morning. I had coffee on my way. But what if I feel him slicing my skin? What if I can feel him taking away that section of my breast with the knife? What was I thinking? Then he starts cutting & he asks if I can feel it but I can't. I'm relieved briefly but I know we've only just begun. My arms get tense and I have to literally remind myself to relax my arms & lay them back down on the board. The surgical nurse suggests music. My nurse runs to get his speakers from his locker. He plays soft 80s rock. We joke about the tunes. Dr. R is certain he's never operated to Bon Jovi. The music distracts me--only from the surgery itself, but causes its own problem when I find it irritating that my heart monitor that is beeping loudly is not on the same beat as the music. Again, I had to keep myself from holding my breath hoping they would sync up.
Then...it was over. They removed the drape & all the monitors. I hopped off the bed & into a recliner (which Dr. R said I had to be special to be leaving the OR in a recliner. I told him it was because they'd gotten the memo on me being a frequent visitor)...down to post-op where I am immediately able to dress myself. In fact, it took the nurse longer to put me in her system than it took to get myself dressed & for Joel to arrive to pick me up.
In the end, I was glad there was no "recovery" from the anesthesia....but I'm still not sure I would opt for the awake surgery again. Tough Shmuff--there are just some things that should be left unknown...
Fast forward--1 bilateral mastectomy, 1 expander/implant exchange, #2 biopsy, 1 DIEP flap, 1 bilateral SGAP, 4 nip/tuck & we're in August of 2011 and I'm sitting in the waiting room before my 11th surgery in 5 years.
You know what I hate most about surgery? It's not the pain. Really. It's the anticipation before the surgery--knowing exactly how it all goes from the night before when I have to stop eating at midnight, getting dressed in the dark surrounded by the eerie silence of a house full of sleeping people, riding in the car as Joel drives the 90 minutes to the hospital, parking in the same spot nearly every time in the parking garage, walking to the elevator & riding up to the 4th floor, signing in at the desk with the ladies who have started to recognize my husband, waiting until the nurse collects the surgical patients in a group & walks us back to the pre-op area...don't forget to get a hit of sanitizer before you go thru the big silver doors. Each surgical patient is called by name & assigned to a numbered bed, take off all my clothes & put on the gown opening to the back, put on the white socks all the way to the knees to help circulation during surgery & put the brown non-slid socks over those, put all the clothes in this clear plastic bag for safe keeping, then sit and wait. My stomach growls on cue. I am bored. A tech comes by & starts my IV. The nurse asks me many, many questions. Someone calls for my husband to come back & sit with me. We stare at each other. He's so tired. I'm so hungry. I haven't had my coffee. What time is it? We listen as other patients around us are questioned about what time they last ate or drank anything & which medicines are they taking. The doctor comes in to "mark me". I stand up & expose myself while he takes a black sharpie & creates a treasure map all over my breasts. More paperwork. More signatures. Another nurse. Another doctor. Sign this. Sign that. Instructions to Joel--who, btw, is a PRO at this--on what will happen & when he'll see me again. I have a headache. Silly hat goes on my head, a quick kiss & away we go. Upon entry of the OR, I am warned, "It's going to be cold but we'll get you some warm blankets." Yep--every time. Then, they push some of this or that & tell me I'll get sleepy. Someone puts that plastic thing over my face & tells me to breathe deeply....
Next thing I know, I'm at the next thing I hate most about surgery--waking up from anesthesia! YUCK! It never fails that my nose is itchy--really, every time! And my hands feel like lead weights. My mouth tastes like plastic. My throat is dry & sore. I am SO thirsty. There's a stranger at the foot of my bed asking me how I feel. Someone calls Joel. Sometimes he arrives with his own food & the smell makes me sick to my stomach. I know they won't let me go until I pee. I want to pee. I want to go home. But sitting up makes me nauseous. I take deep breaths. Eventually we get to go home (for most of the surgeries). I am so hungry. But I'm sick to my stomach. My head is still hurting. It takes two or three days before I can eat food without tasting plastic in my mouth. I don't feel back-to-normal for awhile. I hate that feeling....
SO, when Dr. R. gave me the option to have my nipple reconstructed without sedation, I was beyond ready to do it! In fact, my previous surgeon said sometimes he even does them in his office. So, I jumped at the chance to have a procedure without being asleep! The morning was similar to the other mornings except it was an afternoon procedure, I did not have to fast so I got my coffee on the way to the hospital, and Joel took the kids to the Baltimore Inner Harbor while I was at the hospital instead of sitting around waiting on me.
 |
| These are pictures Joel sent to me while I was waiting for my surgery to begin. |
The next steps before the procedure were familiar--I had the same gown, Dr. R. came to mark me. But this time, I got to walk with Dr. R & the nurse to the operating room. I hopped up on the table, with no IV and here's the new part. All the stuff they usually do after I'm asleep happens. They put a cold pack thing on my thigh--and when I say cold, I mean ICE COLD. I am hooked up to the heart monitor & the pulse thingy goes on my finger. There is a drape hung under my chin so I can't see anything so all I hear is plastic & cutting. There are pads stuck all over my chest and abdomen. Everyone is asking if I feel ok--and by everyone I mean Dr. R, his surgical nurse & my nurse. It's not as busy in here as I remember my other surgeries being. Next I understand it's time. So Dr. R is going to insert a needle around the area to make me numb--giving me the local anesthesia. He puts the first needle in and it H.U.R.T.S.!! And it's burning. And he keeps moving all around my breast inserting the needle & pushing the fluid to numb the area & I am taking deep breaths. I can't stop the tears that have started rolling down my face. Dr. R can't see my face. My nurse sees me. He asks if I'm ok. Yes. But I'm telling Dr. R. that I can feel all of this. So he decides to push more--to make sure I'm numb when he starts cutting. And again it burns. And the panic rises. What was I thinking? What if it hurts when he's cutting? What if he's only 1/2 way thru & it hurts so bad I can't let him continue. I'm not strapped down. I could walk out right now. But if he's cut me open, I can't do that. They can't give me any meds because I ate this morning. I had coffee on my way. But what if I feel him slicing my skin? What if I can feel him taking away that section of my breast with the knife? What was I thinking? Then he starts cutting & he asks if I can feel it but I can't. I'm relieved briefly but I know we've only just begun. My arms get tense and I have to literally remind myself to relax my arms & lay them back down on the board. The surgical nurse suggests music. My nurse runs to get his speakers from his locker. He plays soft 80s rock. We joke about the tunes. Dr. R is certain he's never operated to Bon Jovi. The music distracts me--only from the surgery itself, but causes its own problem when I find it irritating that my heart monitor that is beeping loudly is not on the same beat as the music. Again, I had to keep myself from holding my breath hoping they would sync up.
Then...it was over. They removed the drape & all the monitors. I hopped off the bed & into a recliner (which Dr. R said I had to be special to be leaving the OR in a recliner. I told him it was because they'd gotten the memo on me being a frequent visitor)...down to post-op where I am immediately able to dress myself. In fact, it took the nurse longer to put me in her system than it took to get myself dressed & for Joel to arrive to pick me up.
In the end, I was glad there was no "recovery" from the anesthesia....but I'm still not sure I would opt for the awake surgery again. Tough Shmuff--there are just some things that should be left unknown...
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Nine Years Already?
My baby girl, Jackie Sue, turned 9 on Saturday. Her big celebration will be in a couple of weeks when I take her & Josie to Boston for the weekend to visit their Auntie Em for GIRLS' WEEKEND!
But, Saturday was the official day & I found myself (as I always do) reliving all the moments from the first contractions that I was sure were gas pains on September 16--her actual due date--to the exact moment she arrived at 8:26am on September 17, 2002. Wow. I can't believe she's already 9. Because I DO remember it all--even what I was wearing--when I went into labor.
And since I told her that she's not allowed to get into double digits with her age, I'm going to have to savor every moment of this 9th year of her life. (yeah, you'll have to get back to me next year at this time & I'll let you know how that's workin' out....)
But, Saturday was the official day & I found myself (as I always do) reliving all the moments from the first contractions that I was sure were gas pains on September 16--her actual due date--to the exact moment she arrived at 8:26am on September 17, 2002. Wow. I can't believe she's already 9. Because I DO remember it all--even what I was wearing--when I went into labor.
 |
| Just hours old... |
 | |||||
| About 1 month old |
And since I told her that she's not allowed to get into double digits with her age, I'm going to have to savor every moment of this 9th year of her life. (yeah, you'll have to get back to me next year at this time & I'll let you know how that's workin' out....)
 |
| Happy Birthday Girl |
 |
| Where did 9 years go? |
Happy Birthday to my Little Sunshine!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Out of the Mouths of Wives....
Here are 2 things I actually said to my husband today...
1. After he was nagging me about which car I drove to the hospital..."Dude, I am getting the stitches removed from my nipple today. I can do whatever I want!"
2. When I returned home from hospital..."So, Laura (my surgeon's nurse practitioner) gave me her card & told me this guy Vinnie does the best tattoos around." (in regards to having my areolas done)
Yeah, just your average day at the Wealer house...
1. After he was nagging me about which car I drove to the hospital..."Dude, I am getting the stitches removed from my nipple today. I can do whatever I want!"
2. When I returned home from hospital..."So, Laura (my surgeon's nurse practitioner) gave me her card & told me this guy Vinnie does the best tattoos around." (in regards to having my areolas done)
Yeah, just your average day at the Wealer house...
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Did you hear?
Yep, I'm doing it again. I have committed to the torture for another 12 weeks & we're already in Week 5!
Now, I have to admit that after taking the summer off because of surgery & then laziness, I was excited to join the Cancer to 5K team again for the fall season. And after we had been back to running for about 3 weeks, I had my nipple reconstructed which meant no running again for 2 weeks. I missed it. What? I missed the running. Let me explain myself...
I still think running is kinda silly. Tonight--I came in all hot & sweaty & actually said "Running is so stupid." BUT...(hang on Coach Bob...) while I was out of running commission the past 2 weeks Coach had me doing some serious speed walking. Yep--I, too, was reminded of Malcolm's dad in Malcolm in the Middle. And I was supposed to walk using the same body form as running, but while walking briskly--faster & faster & faster--for 4 min intervals, then 2 minutes of regular walking. The first night I couldn't find a good stride & my shins started screaming. By the end of the 2nd week of this brisk walking business, I was fighting myself in my head to NOT run. I keep hearing Coach saying "faster, faster, faster" and I keep thinking "I'd be GOING faster if I was just RUNNING!" And it was so frustrating...
So, today, when my prescribed workout arrived--2 weeks post nipple reconstruction--I was actually anxious to get out there and RUN again! Because I missed it.
October 15--the Baltimore 5K that I will be running as my goal race--is creeping up real fast. It would be nice to run this one faster than the one in June....but also ok if I don't. Because here's the thing I discovered today. I might be a little bit addicted to running. Even if it's slow, I know it's doing this ol' girl some good--good for the body & the spirit! Don't believe me? Next time you're having a stressful day, gimme a ring & I'll pass along today's workout. Betcha you'll feel better afterward too! Even if running is kinda silly....
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Go Blue!
It's that time of year-- Michigan Football Season!
Here's a peek at the Wealer family on Michigan Football Saturday!
 |
| Daddy picks out everyone's clothes on Michigan Football days. |
 |
| It doesn't matter if you even match, as long as you have your Michigan Spirit Wear! |
 |
| In fact, you don't even need to be interested in watching the game--as long as you're wearing your Michigan shirt, you're good to go! |
Go Blue!!!!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Happy Day?
Bubba had his first day of preschool today.
Happy Day? Well....if you know me, you know I've been chomping at the bit to get him off to school so I can finally have a couple of hours a week to work in peace. It's been almost 9 years since Jackie came along, you know. And this year the Boy will attend 2 mornings a week for 3 hours each day. Not that I can really do much around here in 3 hours when you consider how long it takes to drive anywhere, but I can dedicate those interruption free moments to productive business time. YAY!
However, Bubba is the only one of my children who never attended daycare so I could work outside of the home. Bubba came into my world just under 4 years ago & he's been my sidekick ever since. The Boy has helped me with grocery shopping, bathing suit shopping, sat through doctor & dentist visits, parent/teacher conferences, volunteering at the book fair at school, bank & post office trips...24/7 for 3 years & 10 months, this boy has been by my side. And today, I dropped him off & walked away. Ahhhh....
Happy Day? Yes. While it felt a tad strange not having him around, I know he's in the most loving environment possible. And when he got in the car at the end of his school day, he couldn't stop talking about going back. It's so true that they grow up too fast. My baby's no longer a baby, but it's definitely a happy day.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
What am I worth?
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Monday, September 5, 2011
Camping Is Fun
Memorial Day weekend we took a camping trip with our dear friends, the Carsons. We've just returned from our second weekend camping trip with the Carson Crew. And as I reflected on the weekends, which began & ended our summer, I imagined a souvenir t-shirt with top 10 favorite quotes from each trip listed on the back...
Memorial Day Weekend Camping with the Carsons--Take 1:
10. Which sounds cooler? I'm going camping with the lead singer of the rock band OR I'm going camping with the 3rd horn in the concert band.
9. Where's my camera?
8. This isn't a scweaming contest, it's tawzan!
7. Trifecta
6. Attention! Attention! There's a bear standing by the pool!
5. You 2 have tattoos and that makes you look scary.
4. Excuse me. Your daughter seems to have a personality like my daughter. Can they play together?
3. This is my life. I'm 1/2 of 70 & have 3 kids. I'm a walkin' hot mess.
2. Nothing like going to a public pool to boost your self esteem.
1. When I was packing my camping clothes, I forgot to grab my high heeled sandals & booty shorts...shoot!
10. I knew those orange flames shooting up from the grill weren't right at 3am.
9. I'm so glad you're not crying anymore when I wipe your butt.
8. So when DID you get home?
7. Don't worry Jackie, maybe your real parents will let you do that when we find them on Tuesday.
6. FLBG in the house! What what?
5. I'll take a piece of your muffin....No, your other muffin.
4. Send that picture to Jeb...
3. Maybe we should have some sausage!
2. I dare you to go thru that ditch in your car...
1. You like your coffee like you like your men--weak & white.
Memorial Day Weekend Camping with the Carsons--Take 1:
10. Which sounds cooler? I'm going camping with the lead singer of the rock band OR I'm going camping with the 3rd horn in the concert band.
9. Where's my camera?
8. This isn't a scweaming contest, it's tawzan!
7. Trifecta
6. Attention! Attention! There's a bear standing by the pool!
5. You 2 have tattoos and that makes you look scary.
4. Excuse me. Your daughter seems to have a personality like my daughter. Can they play together?
3. This is my life. I'm 1/2 of 70 & have 3 kids. I'm a walkin' hot mess.
2. Nothing like going to a public pool to boost your self esteem.
1. When I was packing my camping clothes, I forgot to grab my high heeled sandals & booty shorts...shoot!
Labor Day Weekend Camping with the Carsons--Take 2:
10. I knew those orange flames shooting up from the grill weren't right at 3am.
9. I'm so glad you're not crying anymore when I wipe your butt.
8. So when DID you get home?
7. Don't worry Jackie, maybe your real parents will let you do that when we find them on Tuesday.
6. FLBG in the house! What what?
5. I'll take a piece of your muffin....No, your other muffin.
4. Send that picture to Jeb...
3. Maybe we should have some sausage!
2. I dare you to go thru that ditch in your car...
1. You like your coffee like you like your men--weak & white.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Super Hero
I was shopping at the Commissary with my Bubba Boy today. I had my stack of coupons & grocery list in hand while trying to maneuver our cart down the busy aisle.
"Oh no! Momma, look!" Bubba bent down to pick up my pizza coupon I'd just dropped & hadn't noticed.
"Thank you, boy! You're my hero!"
Bubba smiles, "Yeah, dat's why I wanna be a Super Hero when I grow up."
((heart melting)) "You'll make a GREAT super hero, my love!"
"Oh no! Momma, look!" Bubba bent down to pick up my pizza coupon I'd just dropped & hadn't noticed.
"Thank you, boy! You're my hero!"
Bubba smiles, "Yeah, dat's why I wanna be a Super Hero when I grow up."
((heart melting)) "You'll make a GREAT super hero, my love!"
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