Just thinking of you...

This week I got a phone call from my mother & she told me of a dear family friend's diagnosis of breast cancer. She had stopped by mom's house to let her know that while she was very nervous, she knew that I had been thru the same type of breast cancer (twice) and had survived so she knew she'd be ok. I appreciate being able to offer that sort of support to someone--just knowing someone who's been in your shoes can help tremendously. I, however, didn't have that when I was diagnosed the first time. Sure my mom knew women in their 60's, 70's and even 80's who'd had mastectomies but I was 30. I had a 3 yr old and 18 mo old at home. I still had plans to expand my family. What I found out in the months following the diagnosis is that it's a hard thing for others to deal with. I had a couple very close, dear friends who completely fell off the face of the earth. I had other friends who WANTED to do something but didn't know what to say so they only talked to friends who were talking to me regularly. Immediately upon finding out that our family friend had been diagnosed, I went and picked out a card--and I'm not talking a $6 talking/singing fancy bling bling card. I went to WalMart and got a simple $1 card that said "I'm thinking of you." because that's all she really needs to know. If you know someone going thru a hard time--whether it's a health diagnosis or death or divorce and you personally have never experienced it so you don't know what to say, THAT'S OK! Don't create more distance between you and them--call them, send them a simple card to let them know you're thinking of them or drop by with dinner. I will tell you that if they don't want to talk to you at the moment of your call, they'll let you leave a message--I promise! So leave the message--tell them how you're feeling. If you don't know what to say or how to help, tell them that. But offer things like dinner, company, or child care in my case. Just let them know you're thinking of them--they won't know if you don't tell them. And most importantly, don't forget about the loved ones who are caring for the person--in the event of an illness. My husband was so stressed--he had to take time off, find someone to watch our kids, sit in the hospital for hours, help bathe me when we got home, cook dinner, do the laundry...it took it's toll on him. No 30 year old man should have to be the "rock" for that long. I learned thru my experience the first time that 2 things are important--#1 take people up on their offers (so don't offer if you don't want to actually oblige) #2 make sure someone is thinking about your caregiver too. I was in a great amount of pain after my first surgery back in Aug 06. But waking up to find flowers, plants, balloons and even a little bear with a pink cardigan for breast cancer awareness were the things that kept my spirits up. The simple card IS enough. Just don't forget to let them know--they just want to know you're thinking of them.